You Look Like a Swedish Fish!
by xXKanpekiXx
Summary: Prelude to "Franziska Caramelldansen?" Phoenix determines exactly what kind of candy Miles Edgeworth is. Very crackish.


Disclaimer: I don't own Phoenix Wright. If I did, Maya would be grossly overweight because of all the fast food she gorges herself on and Grossberg's hemorrhoids would take over the world.

Well, this is a prelude to "Franziska Caramelldansen?" If you haven't seen it yet, these two aren't really related, but this helps explain a joke that appears in "Franziska Caramelldansen?"

Enjoy? MAJOR CRACK!!

* * *

Boredom.

Unadulterated, pure and simple boredom.

There was no other word to for what Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney) was feeling at that moment.

Boredom.

He searched around his office, looking for a case file, a book, a game, anything! Well, he found Maya under a large stack of papers. She coughed out a weak "Thank you," and wobbled off to get some much needed sustenance. Phoenix knew he wasn't going to find anything in his stupid office…that desperately needed a visit from the cleaning fairy.

Or the maid across the hall.

Either one. Preferably the fairy.

The maid smelled and stole things. She didn't exactly run a good service. Probably why she was in the same dump of a building he was. Either way, a maid would have at least made a dent in this crappy shithole he called an office. He couldn't even see the first layer of filth that covered his floor, let alone the carpet underneath the grime.

So, Phoenix decided to venture outside. He wandered over to he bus and just took himself wherever his guy led him…which was straight to the prosecution's office. Where he liked to screw up investigations for the resident DA's.

Oh boy. Well, first Phoenix had some fun messing with Godot's coffee. When the coffeeholic wasn't looking, he switched the hot cup of happy with a decaf cup of not-so-happy. Spiky chortled as he ran away, leaving the poor prosecutor to his rant on how "This coffee tastes like death. It must be decaf!"

Now, Phoenix sat on the cold, hard plastic seat…of DOOM…in the cafeteria and watched, silently as professionals milled about, doing their jobs, unlike a certain blue-suited attorney who was watching them. What could Phoenix do to relieve his chronic boredom? Most of the other prosecutors weren't fun to play with; most employees there wouldn't get pissed off very easily and he didn't know them all that well since Phoenix faced maybe a total of 5-6 prosecutors…

Talk about incompetence.

Or laziness.

Anyway, Phoenix finally set his sights on Edgeworth. Which took like 10 minutes…. He stared at Edgey, looking for some sort of inspiration to make Edgeworth's day a living hell, but for the first time in his miserably poor existence, he couldn't think of a thing to do to piss Miles Edgeworth off. He just kept on gazing at the cravat-brandishing attorney.

It was simply impossible to not look at the spectacular specimen of man in front of him.

'He is simply radiant in the bright glow of florescent lighting and colored food signs. With his innocent, unaware face turned onto a lucky piece of paper with newspaper cut out lettering, the features on his face are irresistible to me. Miles Edgeworth is truly a sight to behold. (Is Phoenix gay or what?) Ah, how his cravat flowed in the wi-OW!' Phoenix's thought bus (his brain doesn't work in trains. Only in things smaller) slammed on its slip-shod brakes as Mr. Phoenix Wright felt the sharp sting of a whip at the side of his face.

"OW! Franziska! What did I do to deserve that?"

"Ah, Mr. Phoenix Wright, you foolishly foolish fool, I was trying to eat my lunch and I was not able to. You know why? You were eye-humping your eye candy! Foolishly!"

"…My…what?"

"Miles Edgeworth, your eye candy. Now kindly stop ogling my little brother so I can finish my lunch. Fool." Franziska strode away, perfectly, tucking her whip, bringer of defense attorney and judge pain, into her pocket. Phoenix giggled as she made her way back to her table.

He didn't know Edgeworth was candy!

Well, he always made fun of a very funny incident involving a typo and the word "Fudgeworth." But this was different! Now, he was eye candy, whatever that way. All that was left was to determine what kind of candy Miles was.

So, Phoenix mounted his thought unicycle (the bus has been downgraded) and got to thinking.

Lemon Warheads?

No, that's more Franziska's style.

Twizzlers?

Nah, only Gant was twisted like that.

Damn, this was difficult. He needed something bright red with a frill design. God, why was this so hard? (Insert amusing penis joke here)

Phoenix had gone through all the candies he could think of, but to no avail. He sighed and went to the counter to buy some candy. I mean, he had been thinking of delicious sugary sweets for the last hour, of course he was craving some. He purchased some Swedish Fish and plopped back down on his chair. He was glad to see that Edgeworth was still sitting at the table across the way.

'Boy, whoever tied him to that chair is a genius.' Phoenix thought to himself as he tossed some of the best candies in the world into his undeserving mouth. As the sweets melted in his mouth and stuck to his teeth, Blue suit kept racking his brain, thinking harder than he ever had before. He was so close, he could feel it! The unicycle of thought was moving its crappy pedals as fast as possible. It was going…the words were on the tip of his tongue…then he swallowed.

Damn.

It was gone.

Or almost.

As Phoenix held the last Swedish fish in his slightly shaking hand, he glanced back over to his "eye candy."

…No way…

Phoenix jumped up from his seat and ran over to Edgeworth like a bat outta hell. Edgeworth's desperate eyes turned to Phoenix as said blue suited attorney took a nice spill. He would have laughed if not for the large strip of duct tape securing his mouth.

As Phoenix regained his balance, but not his composure, he bounded right on over to the pinkish hostage and ripped the tape off of the tied man's mouth. Edgeworth grunted in pain, but looked at Wright happily and said "Wright! Thank God! Please untie me! They're coming back with crowbars! I don't know how they're getting away with this in the middle of everything, but no one seems to be helping! And I…Wright? Why aren't you untying me?"

Edgeworth's look of relief melted into that of pure rage when Phoenix gave him the pointy index finger and yelled "YOU LOOK LIKE A SWEDISH FISH!"

"...I...what?"

"Well, you're German, so you're more like a German Fish! I am such a genius. Ok, see you later, German Fish. I have to go congratulate myself on my brilliance."

As he strode away to stroke his badly beaten ego, Phoenix completely ignored German Fish's cries of anger which soon melded into fear as some nice lads with large metal bars came strolling by.

* * *

Oh dear... :D Swedish Fish are my favorite candy, but Edgeworth is not my favorite male prosecutor. It's Klavier. God, I love that fop. :D


End file.
